The biggest problem I have been dealing with the past few months is staying motivated. When I started this journey. My motivation was simple. I wanted to feel better and be able to move around more so that I could spend more time with my family and do more with my son. I felt like I was cheating him out of his childhood by not doing anything with him. Not because I didn’t want to. But, because I could barely move. I always felt sick and run down. So, I set out to lose weight. I figured if I could lose just two pounds each week, I would be losing weight at a rate of 100 pounds per year and in just a few short years I would be at a healthy weight. It was pretty easy at first. My motivating factor was a good one and I was reminded of it every day when I would think about all the things I wanted to do with my son and my family. When I started eating better and counting my calories, I started dropping a good deal of weight over a short time. I started feeling better and doing more throughout the day. It was nice to be able to get around more and not feel like I needed a nap halfway through the day. I started going for walks in the woods, doing more outside and just enjoying life more.

The holidays moved in and I started to lose focus. I still ate better than I was before, but I wasn’t doing the best that I could. After the holidays I got back on track for a few months and all the while I still managed to maintain a steady decrease in my weight. Then spring and summer came along. With that, i started doing more. I got out of the house a lot more. Started doing yard and landscaping work, more work around the house. We did a lot more summertime activities and I took my son camping and hiking. Although I am still huge by anyones standards (currently weighing in at 365lb). I feel a lot better than I have in a long time. That is part of the problem. Because I am feeling better I seem to be eating more and have less drive to try as hard. I am doing more physically and getting much more exercise. But, I am also eating more as well.

While I have lost 100 pounds since I started a little over a year ago, I still have a lot more to lose to be at a healthy weight. While I realize this is a long term commitment. It can sometimes be hard to maintain sight of that end goal. The problem is that I have already achieved most of my initial goal, or at least my reasons for setting out on my journey. My motivation drove me to spend more time with my family and do more with my son and now I am doing those things. I feel better and I am enjoying life a lot more. Which is fantastic as far as I am concerned. But, I still need to lose another 120 to 150 pounds before I will be at a weight that I am comfortable with. To do that I need to find a new motivational factor. I have tried to use better health as that motivation. But, it is tough when I am feeling better now than I have in many years. The only restraint I have right now as far as doing more with my family is time rather than energy. There are many experiences I would like to share with my son and plan on doing. I just need to find the time. While losing another 100 pounds might help me find my feet, it isn’t going to help me find more time.

So, this time I am trying to use multiple factors to motivate me. My family is still a major factor. I know in the long run, I have a better chance at living longer and healthier if I lose this extra weight. My son is playing a huge role in my new motivation. The other day I was driving him to a soccer game and he asked me why I was so fat. When I asked him why he would ask me that question, he told me that he was worried about me. A 6 year old is supposed to be having fun and enjoying life, not worrying about their parents well being. The other factor is me. This is a tough one. For the most part I try not to worry about me as long as others are happy. But, I have come to realize that if I want to lose this weight, I have to do it in part for me, or it is never going to happen. While I am happier now than I have been for awhile, I am not truly happy. I don’t want to be a fat ass anymore. I don’t want to have to shop at big and tall or king size stores anymore where I am spending twice as much on products that are half as good. I want to be able to buy a shirt at x-mart and be able to wear it. I don’t want to have to drop $140 on a super sized outdoor chair that will support my ass when I could be spending $20 on one instead. I want to be able to buy a treadmill that isn’t commercial grade that when I step on it it doesn’t groan under the pressure. I want to be able to fit in the seat of the roller coaster so I can ride it with my son. Simple things that most people take for granted. This is what will motivate me onward as I continue on my journey.

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