One thing I have changed in recent months is that I have stopped going to the nutritionist. I had come to the point where I was going once every other month and my July appointment had to be rescheduled and I just didn’t bother with it. The last few weeks I have been thinking about the appointments I did have over a year and a half span. Before I started going to the nutritionist, or even my first visit to the doctor before he referred me to her I had done a lot of homework and had myself in what I thought was a good mind set for losing weight. I had clear goals on my nutrition needs and had definite weight loss goals in mind. I was headstrong and determined and I was making the changes that needed to be made and getting myself into a different lifestyle. As I think back to my visits with the nutritionist now, I wonder if she didn’t inadvertently help to undermine that mindset. I am not trying to blame her for my slow down in weight loss and my lost efforts. But, I have been thinking alot about the things that she said to me during my visits and the mental impact they have had, at least on what seems to be a subconscious level.

Before I started going to see her, I looked at certain food as good and bad. Some things were just out of reach. I would not think of eating them because I knew they would create problems. I had a clear long time goal in mind and I was setting myself up to attain it. Failure was not an option. Then I started going once a month. I would hear things like it is ok to have a bad day once in awhile. I should expect to hit a plateau. Don’t go out and buy a whole new wardrobe just yet. Fast food is ok, just keep the calories in mind and watch what else you eat during the day. It goes on…

These are all things that are pretty much basic information. But, when you weigh 460 pounds and are trying to lose more than half of it, hearing those things form the person who you are looking for guidance from, does not help. I have really had to step back and think about this. These statements are all negatives. These statements were preparing me to fail. Now I’m starting to sound like a self help book or inspirational words poster… But, it’s true. The last thing I needed to hear from the person I was looking to for guidance and help in losing weight was that it’s ok to fuck it up. I needed someone to tell me that failure is not an option and the only success is meeting my end goal. The same things I had been telling myself before I started going to see this doctor.

I heard week in and week out how I was her success story because I had lost something like 15% of my total body weight and according to the clinical books, that is a success. Well guess what. When I still weighed in at 360 pounds, I didn’t need to hear how I was successful and it is ok to have a bad day every once in awhile. An occasional trip to the buffet was acceptable. I needed to hear that I still had another 100+ pounds to lose and I better get to it. No matter how many times I said I didn’t feel like much of a success, it didn’t seem to sink in. All of the things I looked at as helpful information and words of encouragement were really setting me up for failure. I know that wasn’t the intended goal. They were meant to be positive words that would reinforce my efforts and praise my success. But, is success really ever achieved if you don’t reach the end goal?

So, here I sit and think about the past two years. It has truly been a long journey with many ups and downs along the way. I started out knowing I need to make a lot of changes. I knew it would be a learning experience with bumps along the way. I completely changed my eating habits and then reversed course and started doing the things I swore I wouldn’t. The guidance I sought from outside messed up my own sense of direction and somehow steered me off course even though that wasn’t the intended result. I would surely like to say that I have found my path once again. But, I haven’t. Life has been a real drag lately and a lot of that can be blamed on my current financial situation which is well beyond the scope of this post. But, I don’t believe in failure, so my journey continues.

My lesson learned from this is pretty simple. I need to look at how I approach a situation and pay much better attention to the words I listen to as well as the words I speak. I have noticed that I do alot of the same things with my kids. I prepare them to fail rather than to succeed. When they are approaching a tough situation, I tell them not to worry if something doesn’t work out as they expect it to. Even before they try it. I need to change that and instead of preparing them to fail. I need to encourage them to succeed, yet be there to help them in the event they slip. And then I need to do the same thing for myself.

Please, share your thoughts with me. I don’t hear from too many people even though I know there are folks reading these posts as I see the hits in my server logs. Share your experience and your journey. Tell me what you have done to pull yourself up and get back on track. You can post a comment, send an email using the contact link on the right or even join the forum (click the weigh in link on the right) and share your thoughts.

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